husband just doesn't get it - Baby's First Year | Forums | What to Expect (2024)

I’m not sure if I have any advice but I feel the same way. We got in a huge fight a couple weeks back about the same things you are talking about. I told him- you don’t get it! Your life has changed 50%, my life has changed 100%. There is no aspect of my life that baby doesn’t affect. You go to work, you go on work trips, you go to the gym/on runs (which I do support he’s trying to lose weight but still!), you can run errands without a second thought, you turn sports on the minute you get home everyday (that was a big one that bothered me because watching a sports game while holding the baby does not count as interaction!), etc.

He of course does play with baby, changes diapers, bath time, feeds him, reads to him as well, but I do those things all day long + am cleaning/cooking. This man can’t multitask at home to save his life. I asked him to be as proactive at home as he is at work. He deserves breaks (which he gets), but so do I! And I told him if I start working nothing is going to change, I’m just going to have another job and baby is going to be in daycare! Since our fight he’s been a lot better and I hope it stays that way without me needing to remind him. Motherhood is so hard!

Honestly, he is behaving extremely selfishly. And turning it back on you is definitely not fair and I am sorry he is doing that.

It kind of seems like you might just have to kind of "tough love" this and stop making things easy for him (I am not trying to say this is on you but I just could not think of another way to say it!) On the weekends, if there are things you want to do, do them. Do not meticulously plan around his schedule. Do not hurry home. Say "I have plans for brunch with a friend at 10 on Saturday. There will be bottles in the fridge." And, when it comes time on Saturday to go, just go. Or, if he goes to get a haircut, say "That works. When you get home I am going to go for a walk." Hand him the baby and say "you do the bath tonight and I will do the dishes" (or whatever). It's sad that you have to "make" him do these things, but it does it seem like he is going to do them on his own. He needs to know that you are not always going to be there to bail him out.

The parent responsibilities do not go away...they just change. A parent who does not participate in bath time is also probably not going to take to swim class when the kid is older (that is where my husband and my daughter are right now). And if you go back to work, it will be even more important for you to have a partner that shares the load.

This is a hard transition. I’ve worked nearly full time since I was 16. At 33, when I was 30 weeks pregnant, I left hospital nursing to be home. I totally get it. Is there any family nearby that you trust with baby? About once a week, I drop my 10 month old off at my in-laws so I can have some me-time. I get a pedicure, go to lunch, go shopping, sometimes do something that’s not “me-time” but easier without baby in tow (like Costco or grocery shopping). Also, on weekends, I’ll take our baby to my husband and tell him, “here you go, I’m going to go do xyz. Nap time is at this time and he’ll be ready for a bottle after his nap.” And then I’ll go do whatever… even if it’s going into our bathroom and having a nice long bath. In the evenings, if I’m wanting help, I’ll ask him, “Do you want to put baby to bed or wash dishes and clean up from supper?” These are things that work for me for this time in our lives. Also, we have an agreement on the weekends that we each get up early with him one day so the other can sleep in (our baby has been waking up at 5:30am everyday for the past 8-9 weeks or so).

Hope some of this helps ����